Birthday Blog for Anthony Thomas Accetta: From Time Magazine, Monday, April 10, 1972

Sunday, September 16, 2007

From Time Magazine, Monday, April 10, 1972

Although HUD is a sprawling agency difficult to control from the top, its local officials should have known their areas well enough to spot the inflated house values. Belatedly, HUD has worked with the Justice Department to initiate investigations. It has tightened regulations to provide better verification of values and buyers' credit.

The evidence for the New York indictments was presented to a grand jury by Anthony Accetta, 28, an Assistant U.S. Attorney who once lived on Manhattan's Lower East Side. He said angrily, "The low-income Italians I grew up with were the same kind of people as the Puerto Ricans and blacks being victimized here—hard-working individuals trying to get ahead. I don't see how anyone who is black or Puerto Rican could have faith in the system after being shaken down like this and then losing his house two months later."

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Father's Day, 2006, from Randy

Dear Pa – Father’s Day is fast upon us. I think this is your 42^nd Annual Father’s Day. 42 of ‘em . . . think of all the gifts you’ve been given: from neckties to Red Sox games, to golf in Ireland to nothing whatsoever at times. Well, depending on how you look at it, this is either my first year as a father or my last year not a father. Either way, I’m finally about to join your club, and it seems like a good time to take stock of this impending role. . . .

You have been the most important figure in my life – providing me with life itself, sharing an ongoing and thorough love, and instilling continued lessons in how to make our way through this journey.

Therefore, it seems like a good time to write and tell you some of the ways I’ll draw on you to be a father.

As a father, I promise to provide my child with the gifts you have provided me:

§ clothes and television and an Andover education;

§ the essential gift of undisputed and unconditional love;

§ the gift of time to play catch, whether in a sideyard or on a little league field;

§ the gift of time to play hockey, whether on skates in Canada or on ice on top of NYC buildings, whether in the bedroom with tennis balls and painted goals or on table tops with metal rods.

I’ll certainly also give the gift of money, not too much to spoil but enough to ease stress and displace difficulty. And I will give the undeniable gift of respect that I was given -- for personal choices, for decisions that need to be made and for decisions that have been made.

As a father, like you have been, I will be an unwavering advocate for my children. Not necessarily siding with them all the time or giving them the playthings and candies they cry for, but trusting in their goodness, believing in them, offering goodwill and kindness and laughter.

Like my father before me, I will hold my child’s hands in mine and revel in how those hands have grown over the years.

As a father and like my father, I will show them how to love and respect others, by loving and respecting my family, by caring for friends, by treating strangers with grace.

Like my father, I will someday walk into the back hallways of Madison Square Garden as if we belonged there. I will teach to know that they belong even if they’re uncertain about their place. I will teach them the power of self-confidence -- to smile in adversity, to trust their abilities, to hold true to their beliefs. To know that they can always try again after failure. Indeed, like my father, I will emphasize the need to fail. I will emphasize that true living is living beyond your comfort zone, in uncertainty, even danger and difficulty. I will teach how to jump into cold waters and not fear the shock or the darkness below. I will teach them how to float and how to swim.

I will teach my children how to shake hands firmly. To look people in the eye when talking. Like my father, I will be a father who teaches his child to say sir and ma’am, and to offer to help to others. I will give away a bicycle one day. I will teach my children to do their own versions of pro bono work, to give back to their communities. To think about those with less advantages and help provide succor to those in need.

Like my father, I will teach my children the power of knowledge. I will force them to read at times, rather than read for them. I will also teach my children to ask questions first rather than talk about themselves. I will teach my children to learn from others. To read and to love the lessons provided in books. Like my father, I will teach my child how to question. To learn how to find answers. To understand that the world is large and they need to understand the power of history in order to make current decisions.

Like my father, I will enforce rules – sometimes with an iron fist and sometimes with the velvet of presents and praise. Either way, homework must be done, dishes must be cleaned, lawns mowed, curfews followed.

I will teach my children the value of laws, the importance of living in a community, of respecting that they are but one in the web of human relations and institutions.

Like my father, I will remain a child even as my own child grows. I will throw paper towels in supermarkets, snowballs in the winter, footballs in the pool.

Like my father, I will be physical with my child. I will provide my child hugs – on arriving, on leaving, just for the fun of it. I will show that a hug or a kiss or an arm looped over a shoulder represents an open heart and a passion for family. Like my father, I will roughhouse and teach my children not to fear pain, not to shirk from discomfort.

As my father taught me, I will teach my child the value of effort, even if the immediate result is failure. Like my father, I will never put my children down or make fun of them. I will, though, like my father, hold them to high standards. As I was taught, so I will teach how to compete with fierceness and intensity. And like my father did with me, whether the skill is there or not, I will expect effort, always effort. I will teach my children to handle defeat with grace – to be kind in defeat, to be polite in victory, to be understanding of others in the midst of struggle.

Like my father, I will always, always be there. I will offer advice and counsel. I will at times force my will on my children. I will constantly teach. I will be a source of information and a source of aggravation. I will be a constant presence. Physically, emotionally. Logistically. Conceptually. I will ask them questions – about history, language, facts, where they’re going and with whom and when they’ll return.

I will teach my children how to turn the double-play and the importance of hitting the cut-off man. I will teach them to box out, to dribble with both hands, to always follow their shot. To run with thumbs tucked and arms low. To keep going when tired. To cut the tangent. That the inside lane is a lesser distance than the outside lane. Like my father, I will be sure to end a race with my child in a tie but I will also win at basketball, chess, and other games so that they know the value of effort and the value of losing. And like my father, I will try to convince my child that racing with an open heart is better than racing out of anger and fear.

I will teach my children to tell the truth. I will teach that sometimes it is necessary to sacrifice personal or public gain for the sake of private integrity. I will teach them that their core honor is more important than the easy breezes of popular opinion.

I will teach my children to feel their feelings. To understand their private motivations and to share these with others. I will teach them not to complain or whine, but to dig to the root and learn to communicate that root effectively, consciously, and thoughtfully.

I will teach them to keep their commitments. To honor their agreements with others – whether professional or personal or private. I will teach them the value of constancy – to follow through on promises, to keep their word, to be known as one who does not bend in weakness or adversity.

I will teach my children to honor their place in the world – to pursue a goal with passion, with intensity, with honor, and a steel band of will.

I will teach my children to share their gifts with the world – to teach others, to extend their love freely, to give their abilities and talents to the larger community. To participate.

I will teach my children to develop deep and wide ties to the world around them – to hold acquaintances and to develop friendships. I will teach them to surround themselves with bloodkin, to be constant in their family closeness.

And so, as you perhaps reflect on your 42 years of father’s days, please know that like you, I will give my children the gift of a father’s presence and love. Perhaps more than that, just like you taught me, I will teach my children to be kind, loving, and thoughtful parents to their children. . . . .

Birthday Blog for Anthony Thomas Accetta

Sunday, September 16, 2007

From Time Magazine, Monday, April 10, 1972

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Father's Day, 2006, from Randy